Monster-in-Law Release Date: May 13, 2005 Starring: Jane Fonda, Jennifer Lopez, Michael Vartan, Wanda Sykes Directed by: Robert Luketic PREMIERE.COM'S REVIEW (posted 5/12/05)
Reverse-engineered from its title, Monster-in-Law wants to be about a woman so unpleasant and manipulative that the prospect of marrying into her family would drive a sweet little thing like Charlie Cantilini (Jennifer Lopez) to the brink of calling off her engagement to a just-what-the-doctor-ordered hunk like Kevin Fields (Michael Vartan). Instead, Kevin's filthy-rich mother (Jane Fonda) introduces the only reason Charlie, who juggles four odd jobs to make ends meet, might be interested in someone so bland (apart from the obvious they'll-have-such-beautiful-babies — and so much fun making them — motives, of course). As far as her capacity for evil, Fonda deserves her "Monster-in-Law" title about as much as the million deadbeat dads do those overstated "World's Greatest Dad" T-shirts they've got coming on Father's Day.
Imagine what someone like Danny DeVito might have done with the material, taking it in that darker War of the Roses direction instead of languishing in this sunny, not-nearly-sinister-enough Legally Blonde territory. When Charlie recites her list of allergies early on, you just know one of those ingredients is going to end up in her gravy before long, but once it does, the consequences are far too cartoony: Her lips balloon up, but they're better by morning. Instead of personalities, these characters have settings. In the throwaway mama's-boy role, Vartan's might read, "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV." Fonda, of course, is stuck in will-stop-at-nothing mode, while Lopez bats her eyelashes and plays demure until such time that she's ready for her revenge. Lucky for us, Wanda Sykes shows up as Fonda's outspoken personal assistant. She's not afraid to tell the woman to her face the same attitude she mutters behind her back. But it's bad news that Sykes so easily manages to upstage her Oscar-winning employer.
Without movie stars in the lead roles, these characters would be insufferably dull (in other words, they'd all be as vanilla as Vartan), and director Robert Luketic knows it. To keep things interesting, he trades on his stars' off-screen personalities. In one scene, Fonda offers Lopez a gorgeous evening gown with no room for her caboose. In another, she sends her out in the middle of the night to fetch a bottle of Evian at room temperature (one of Jlo's notorious backstage demands that made its way to The Smoking Gun). But wouldn't it be more interesting if Lopez gave Fonda's character some real cause for alarm, say, if she pulled a "Shape of Things" and started to make over her beau the way she did Ben Affleck in real life? Between them, Fonda and Lopez have been to the altar six times, and never once has the public had less cause to take interest.
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