Blade: Trinity Release Date: December 10, 2004 Starring: Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Ryan Reynolds, Jessica Biel, Parker Posey, Natasha Lyonne, Patton Oswalt, Eric Bogosian, Dominic Purcell Directed by: David S. Goyer
PREMIERE.COM'S REVIEW (posted 12/10/04)
Marvel Comics dabbles out more of that lucrative ink (Spider-Man red, Hulk green, Punisher black, etc.) onto the Hollywood conveyer belt to mold the third and supposedly last in the vampire-fragging Blade trilogy. Appropriately titled for post-Matrix fare, Blade: Trinity stars third-timer Wesley Snipes as the titular half-man-half-vampyr, feared by other bloodsuckers as the deadpan "daywalker" who will stake their asses, er … hearts. With the helpful hunting gadgetry of gimpy old-timer Whistler (an either brilliant or just exhausted Kris Kristofferson), Blade kills vampires rather easily, excessively, and cartoonishly to the scalp-removing thump of an unstoppable techno–and–hip-hop soundtrack. Of course, that all encapsulates the entire franchise, but now the souped-up, CGI-octaned shtick has grown tired; Blade: Trinity lacks the first film’s giddy introduction to vampire raves and charcoaled deaths, and the stylish gothic grittiness that made Blade II a worthwhile popcorn-cruncher has been scraped away by first-time Blade director David S. Goyer’s blandly sun-filled exteriors.
Notably, Goyer also wrote all three Blade films, so character misunderstandings can’t be blamed for the two half-realized plot lines crammed into one feature. In the first, a horde of fanged baddies led by queen-vamp Parker Posey—whose campy bitch-snarl autopilot seems less a retread from Dazed and Confused than just her natural mood—excavate and resurrect Dracula (Dominic Purcell) from a hole in the Iraqi desert, yet still manage to side-step Saddam jokes. Dracula—now called Drake—is easily the dumbest incarnation of the original V-boy yet seen onscreen, and is apparently the only villain cunning enough to kill our hero. The second plot line, which had potential if all those pesky fisticuffs and car chases hadn’t stood in its way, allows the same vampiric team to launch a smear campaign against Blade, wherein the FBI are tracking him as a serial killer. But don’t you fret for Blade, because he now has the Nightstalkers fighting for him, a band of human vampire hunters led by Whistler’s daughter (Jessica Biel, nothing special) and Hannibal King (Ryan Reynolds, channeling Jason Lee), the latter of whom is so hilarious in his incessant wisecracking that he isn’t sure whether he’s Van Helsing or Van Wilder. Either way, Reynolds offers the most entertainment here, even though it sacrifices any chance for scariness in a vampire flick.
Big and dumb and loud and entirely past its prime, Blade: Trinity comes exactly as advertised: an actioner-by-numbers based on a comic book that looks like a video game, joystick not included. Slow-mo Reservoir Dogs–style posturing, a goofy bit about a vampire Pomeranian, a ridiculously invented anti-Nosferatu bomb, and a pro-wrestler (Triple-H) with fangs. Is that worth ten bucks to you?
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