8 Patriotic Movies America Outsourced
Australia was written, directed and starred, well, Australians. Logical, right? But here in America we tend to outsource freedom by hiring foreigners to tell our American tales. So, it is with fake moral outrage we wag our fingers at the most unpatriotic patriotic movies.
1. The Patriot (2002)
What's more American than grabbing a tomahawk and going apeshit on British soldiers during the American Revolution? Nothing, except when it's directed by a German (Roland Emmerich) and starring two Australians (Mel Gibson and the late Heath Ledger). Emmerich also blew up huge chunks of America in Independence Day, trampled NYC in Godzilla, and froze it for The Day After Tomorrow.
Even Steven Seagal's straight-to-cable effort The Patriot, which tells the harrowing tale of a doctor doing his best to cure a virus and kick ass, was directed by Australian Dean Semler.
2. Cold Mountain (2003)
This Civil War drama was written and directed by the late British writer/director Anthony Minghella. Equally British actor Jude Law plays a Confederate soldier desperate to make it back to the arms of his lady love Ada, played by Nicole Kidman. At least the ol' USA got some props when terminally squinty Texan Renée Zellweger won an Oscar for her role as Ruby, a scrappy young gal who helps Ada chop wood or something.
3. Black Hawk Down (2001)
Brit Ridley Scott is by far one of the greatest directors alive, so it is with a heavy heart we include him on this list for the incredible Oscar-nominated war epic about American soldiers in Somalia. Australian Eric Bana, hot Scot Ewan McGregor, Welshman Ioan Gruffudd, and Brit Hugh Dancy add an international flavor to the blood bath.
4. Thirteen Days (2000)
Apple pie, Kennedys, and the Cuban Missile Crisis. And Kevin Costner! Alas, Thirteen Days was directed by Australian Roger Donaldson (do we see a pattern here?), who previously inflicted Cocktail on the viewing public. Or maybe he was from Kokomo. Wouldn't surprise us.
5. Top Gun (1986)
ZOMG! Tom Cruise, Val "The Iceman Cometh" Kilmer, former Revenge of the Nerds dude Anthony Edwards, and all-American hotties Kelly McGillis and Meg Ryan star in this feel good fighter pilot throw down... directed by England native Tony Scott. (We couldn't include one Scott without the other.) Scott does enjoy the US government flicks -- he was behind the underrated 1998 film Enemy of the State, starring Will Smith; Spy Game (2001), starring Robert Redford and Brad Pitt; and stock car driving orgy Days of Thunder. Come to think of it, the Scott brothers are more American than we are.
6. Patriot Games (1992)
It's got the word patriot in the damn title...just like The Patriot[s]! Australian Phillip Noyce directs this Tom Clancy adaptation, which stars Indiana Jones as beloved CIA agent Jack Ryan. Bonus un-patriotism: He also did Clear and Present Danger, another awesome Jack Ryan flick.
7. Rambo: First Blood (1982)
Vietnam vet John J. Rambo (yeah, you know who we're talking about) is ambling about small-town America when he's put in jail for vagrancy. He breaks out, lives off the fat of the land, ignores pain, eats things that would make a Billy goat puke, and puts his Green Beret skills to use against the good old boys who drew first blood. This was directed by Canadian Ted Kotcheff, because obviously our neighbors to the north are just as blood thirsty as we are.
(We don't count Rambo: First Blood Part II, directed by Italian George Cosmatos, because that took place in 'Nam. Ditto for Rambo III, which takes place in Afghanistan and was directed by Brit Peter MacDonald.)
8. Far and Away (1992)
This touching story stars Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman (post-Days of Thunder but pre-marriage) as two Irish immigrants hoping to get land in Oklahoma in the 1890s. Yeah, it may have been directed by all-American Ron Howard but that didn't stop it from sucking.
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