The 6 Worst Fictional Substance Names

It’s difficult enough for actual scientists to come up with interesting names for substances – so you can forgive screenwriters for struggling with it, too.

By: Nick Starkey

01/21/2010 01:16 pm

6. Adamantium (X-Men trilogy, X-Men Origins: Wolverine)
Prior to getting laced with the fictitious metal, Adamantium, Wolverine is a battle-hardened killer with a barely-suppressed animal side. After getting it, he becomes a hero. A good guy. Dare we say, a “ goody two shoes”? Coincidence?

5. Afraidium (Robots)
This would be a terribly uncreative name in the best of circumstances, but this movie expects you to believe that in a world advanced enough to create sentient artificial citizens, its scientific community takes naming suggestions from toddlers?

4. Borophyll (Billy Madison)
OK. This one’s actually pretty good.

3. Unobtanium (Avatar)
Clearly, James Cameron has his hands full perfecting every single leaf on Pandora to think of a real name for the most valuable substance in the universe. We’re aware "unobtanium" is a science nerd phrase for very rare materials (yes, we have access to Wikipedia just like the rest of you). But, still. “Unobtanium”? Is it compatible with “WillNeverFind-ium?” You know, that substance you get from mining in the Impossiblium region of Whatthef**k-ia.

2. Beerium (Young Einstein)
This isn’t even trying. It sounds like something a frat guy says: “Dude, it’s beer o’clock!” “Totes, bro. Time to extract some beerium. Up top!” But perhaps we’re asking too much from someone named Yahoo Serious (Aussie for “Carrot Top”).

1. Red Matter (Star Trek)
C’mon, Abrams! (EDITOR'S NOTE: We originally wrote "Roddenberry" before a commenter pointed out that Sir Gene had nothing to do with this name. See, we do read the comments on occasion--when they're not death threats or boring screeds from film snobs. But that's for another feature. Now, back to our regularly scheduled program...) We repeat: C'mon, Abrams! You were probably this close to just calling it “That s**t,” weren’t you? How does that create any tension: “Do you realize the Romulons have a substance that can destroy a whole planet?” “Oh no! What is it called?” “Um…red…stuff. Or something.”

Stumble It

Comments

let's make a list of things people hate, they love that

on February 8, 2010

I like a chance to knock Avatar down a few pegs as much as the next guy, but do we really need this list to invalidate one of the film's truly clever additions? I mean, it's a movie that does nothing but cut-and-paste from other films with a glossier production; we can at least applaud Cameron for being cheeky and self-aware enough to include the phrase "unobtainium" like he knows what a showboater he is. Not to mention all the military guys look like the kind of people that would name something unobtainium.

Substance names

on February 3, 2010

I feel as though this article were stretching for humor. I see the humor; I do. But it's making attacks based on a couple of okay examples. Then it must fill in it's top ten list with others, without actually reaching ten. It tops off at six. Attacking the robot movie, for example, by accusing it of taking suggestions from toddlers was silly. It's a kid movie. I am surprised this article left out the worst substance name of them all. What was Lucas thinking when he came up with meti-cholorines? Is that how it's spelled? Oh, who cares?

lame list

on February 1, 2010

how amazingly stupid to include adamantium. i don't even like comics much but wolverine is cool as hell and adamantium is pretty pimpish. And don't really see anything wrong with red matter either. it's a color like grey matter. who cares. not special.

Red matter

on January 29, 2010

Not to mention the fact that this red matter is just the recycling of the very same (with different properties though) one in Alias. This red matter was one of the nost stupid ideas of the Star Trek reboot: with such a powerful weapon, what does humanity have to fear? Klingons? The Borg? With one spoonful, they'll all be anihilited. What room is there for further stories (I mean with a minimum of consistency with this one)?

Nerd alert

on January 27, 2010

Stan Lee may have invented the word adamantium, but not the concept of an indestructible metal. The adjective "adamant" has existed for centuries. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adamant

Adamantium, Schmadamantium.

on January 26, 2010

In contrast to the Rodenberry "Red Matter" comment, I'm pretty sure you CAN credit the name Adamantium to the verated but still-living Stan Lee, who is actually FAMOUS for coming up with random names off the top of his head when needed. Who knew this stuff was going to be continuously overanalyzed as some sort of cultural plasma years later, through the course of several over-wrought movies and subsequent "film criticism?" Give the guy some slack -- he was on DEADLINE, for cryin' out loud!

The Name Red Matter

on January 22, 2010

Gene Roddenberry has been dead for over 20 years. I don't think he had a voice in the name "Red Matter" from the 2009 movie.