How to Lose a Guy in 10 Movies

Beaches: When a guy thinks of this title, the words “bikinis” might come to mind. Now add Bette Midler, weepy death, and “The Wind Beneath My Wings.”

Sister Act: Whoopi Goldberg playing a nun who directs a choir. Moving on...

Rent: Musicals aren’t typically for guys, but this musical is genetically engineered to repel them. Singing, dancing, a Bohemian lifestyle, and everyone’s suffering from overly-dramatic broken relationships or AIDS. If they would have stuck with the Team America spoof (aptly titled “Lease”) then all would be right in the world.

Steel Magnolias: It’s got “steel” in the title, right? That’s where his interest will end because it’s a southern romance centering around a close group of chatty friends. Of course it ends in death.

The Notebook: Talk about unrealistic expectations. Women swoon at the thought of this sappy romance and pray to meet a man this devoted. Most guys are fully aware that’s not going to happen, or at least not on their watch, making this the height of discomfort.

The Hours: Watching three women cope with suicide during different time periods will feel like weeks to him.

Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood: The title alone is guy kryptonite. “Divine Secrets” sound like the most boring secrets in the world. “Ya Ya” isn’t even a word. “Sisterhood” screams “No Men Allowed!” This movie could be about dragons fighting alien robots on the Death Star and he still ain’t watching it.

The Joy Luck Club: Replace “The Joy Luck” with “Fight” and you’ve got yourself a date. Otherwise, don’t even bother.

Teeth: Nothing like a sharp set of vagina teeth to get a guy in the mood.

Dirty Dancing: The misleading title might attract some guys who are none the wiser, but once they realize holiday camps didn’t have stripper poles in the 1960s, they’ll put themselves in a corner.