9 of Hollywood's Most Destructive Directors

Judging by the trailer, Roland Emerich's upcoming 2012 will be nothing short of disaster porn. We think of it as kind of like Hostel for the sustainability set. Despite its scale, it won't be the first movie to lay waste to our precious planet and its beloved landmarks. Hop in our limo as we take a tour of the directors that make their money giving the world a beating.

1. Roland Emmerich

Resume of destruction: Godzilla (New York City trampled by a giant monster), Independence Day (The White House and other important landmarks blown up by aliens), The Day After Tomorrow and 2012 (Pretty much the entire world gets the UFC treatment from nature.)

With his white hair and awesome German accent, Roland is pretty much the king of cinematic catastrophe. After the release of 2012, he will have rendered the earth almost completely uninhabitable for the third time. Plus, he's versatile and has used everything from giant title waves to alien space crafts in an effort to wreck our humble planet. It's also worth noting how much contempt he seems to have for the White House. Our guess? He probably got ripped off at the gift shop before he became a world renown director.

Favorite target: If you're in NYC or the White House and this guy is around, it's probably a good time to head for the suburbs.

2. Michael Bay

Resume of destruction: Transformers (Giant robots smash up a few major cities and the Hoover Dam), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (More major cities take a beating, not to mention the destruction of the pyramids), Pearl Harbor (You should probably know what happens in this one), Armageddon (Meteorites take out Paris, NYC’s Chrysler building, and other sections of the world), Bad Boys II (a dilapidated shanty town...way to stick up for the little guy, Mike!)

Unlike Emmerich, Bay doesn't seem eager to kill the earth entirely. He just wants to slap it around a little. He's also responsible for the destruction of many American asses since he doesn't seem to know how to finish off a movie in under 2.5 hours. Enough back-story! They’re talking robots! Transform, fight, kill, end. These movies should be like a Pixar short.

Favorite target: With the exception of Pearl Harbor, Michael Bay likes to give his explosions the international flavor. Le boom.

3. Steven Spielberg

Resume of destruction: War of the Worlds (Aliens wreck everything in sight, including the streets in Tom Cruise's New Jersey town), A. I. Artificial Intelligence (NYC gets buried under a glacier and the entire human race is eventually wiped out), Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (A nuclear blast destroys a deserted town except for one refrigerator full of anthropologist.)

In Hollywood, Steven can do just about whatever he wants. If that means using global warming to wipe humans off the face of the earth then so be it. Giant aliens in tripod ships waging war on us? Sure thing Mr. Spielberg. And if you add up all the damage that has been done in movies he has produced (Transformers, Evolution, etc.) his total destruction tally might actually be higher than Roland's.

Favorite target: You never know where Spielbergo is going to strike next. There could be an alien hiding right under your chair. Right now. You should go check. We'll wait.

4. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

Resume of destruction: Disaster Movie (We refused to see it, but we assume stuff gets blown up), Meet the Spartans (OK, so it really has nothing to do with destroying the earth, but it may be the only movie so crappy to damage the actual earth.)

Like we said above, we’ve never actually subjected ourselves to Disaster Movie--our therapist says we have to cut down on the self-destructive behavior--but we never skip a chance to take a cheap shot at these two. Bite it, hacks.

Favorite target: The wallets of suckers.

5. Tim Burton

Resume of destruction: Mars Attacks! (Aliens destroy our landmarks, scare Jack Nicholson), Planet of the Apes (Spoiler alert! Monkeys take over the earth and refuse to keep it neat.)

Since most of his movies take place in fantastical lands, Tim hasn't had much of a chance to raise hell in the real world. That said, Mars Attacks! is one of the more destructive movies we can think of. Plus, any guy who can cover the world in monkey crap deserves a spot on our list.

Favorite Target: Tim likes going big. Some might say the wide scope of his attacks show versatility. We say it's a lack of focus.

6. Stephen Sommers

Resume of destruction: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Paris gets the shaft once again as the Eiffel Tower gets eaten by tiny robotic bugs), The Mummy franchise (Mummies and various other monsters take their toll on one of the seven wonders of the world, the pyramids.)

It seems like Stephen has a thing for destructive swarms. Plus, he has a lot of destructive potential with his upcoming movie, When Worlds Collide, which is about the star, Alpha Centauri, getting ready to collide into the earth.

Favorite target: With the amount of pyramid destruction this guy has done, he must have seriously hated history class.

7. Sam Raimi

Resume of destruction: The Spider-man franchise (New York City takes a series of beatings from the webslinger's enemies.)

The Green Goblin causes some serious damage to the Queensborough Bridge and the Roosevelt Island tram that runs alongside it. Plus, Doc Ock puts some serious hurt on the subway system. There's no telling what kind of blatant destruction he has in store for Spider-Man 4. We just hope he stops short of doing any more damage to the franchise with emo haircuts and impromptu dance numbers.

Favorite target: He butchers New York, New York worse than Liza ever could.

8. James Cameron

Resume of destruction: The Terminator franchise (visions of nuclear bombs decimating our fair planet and mean robots stomping all over the remains), The Abyss (the director’s cut shows an enormous tidal wave on the verge of obliterating the entire country), Titanic (huge cruise ship meets iceberg). While he’s done his fair share of damage in the past, most of it is theoretical or doesn’t actually happen...but it could so take heed.

He’s been spending some serious time developing 3D cinema into a viable technology, which will be on display in the anticipated Avatar. That means, thanks to him, you'll be able to enjoy future planetary smackdowns in three dimensions. It will be like pieces of France are flying right off the screen and into your face.

Favorite target: Cameron hates fun. Well, at least he seems to hate the places people have fun. When he's not dropping nukes on playgrounds, he's having a shopping mall shot up, or sending a pleasure cruise to Davey Jones's locker.